READ WRITE WRESTLE! #1

Dynamite 5.29.2024 (At the Kia Forum (Like MCR))

Mercedes Moné celebrates getting her hands on the TNT Championship at Double or Nothing. Skye Blue attacks her.

First Match: Swerve Strickland vs. Killswitch

Will Jack Perry ever return for his poor ol’ dinosaur man? Swerve is sooo good; he really was wasted in WWE. I loved his “The Warriors” inspired gear from Double or Nothing. Insert “The Warriors” gif. Killswitch does a standing moonsault on Swerve, which is just amazing. Swerve wins it with a second House Call. Oh wait, are those scissors?? HE TAKES A BRAID FROM KILLSWITCH???

And immediately it’s announced that Mercedes Moné is gonna wrestle Skye Blue tonight.

Promo from Jon Moxley on Rocky Romero tonight

Moxley talks about the grind.

OH GOD NO. Chris Jericho “TV Time” thing

Please, please, go away, Jericho. Please go away, far away. I hate him utterly. Thank you, “Please Retire” chants. Even commentary sounds sick of this. Bryan Keith comes out, and I can only pity him. Sorry, dude. Taz sounds like he could kill Jericho. ‘Longest FTW champion’ indeed. YES YES YES THANK YOU HOOK!! KILL HIM!! KILL HIM NOW!! OH HEY JOE!!! Joe, teach this kid how to kill Jericho!! If we can never get Hookhausen back, then JoeHook is good too, tbh. 

(Me when Learning Tree. Kill it with axes, please.)

Promo on Stephanie Vaucur, who is coming to join AEW during Forbidden Door.

Moxley vs. Rocky Romero

Mox’s arm is all messed up after DoN. And Rocky comes out gunning for Mox, targeting his injured arm. Commentary is bickering like a bunch of hens in a henhouse. Taz sounds like he’s gonna drop Tony or Excalibur on their heads. The last time Mox had a match after a PPV against a smaller wrestler with Rick Knox as the ref, he got a concussion. I hope he’s not thinking about that, but I am! Moxley wins with the Death Rider.

RENEE GOES TO TALK TO JOE AND HOOK

Hook and Joe are gonna be a team!!! I’m so happy!!! (I miss Hookhausen, but you know what? I’ll take this.)

Black screen? HOB? Nope, a fake out.

Don Callis is gonna present a contract to someone… If it’s Orange Cassidy, I’m gonna throw up. NOOOOO!! Here’s Orange, who we all love. Please don’t do it, Orange. I don’t wanna have to boo you. ORANGE SAYS NO!!!! OH DAMN HERE’S STOKELY AND KRIS!! And Trent Beretta from behind! Orange is having a terrible time. And bleeding! I suppose Trent is joining Don Callis now. : (

Backstage with Danny Garcia

He is so boring to me. Every time I see him, I just wish Danhausen was here instead.

TNT Championship match: Mercedes Moné vs. Skye Blue

Love how the whole women’s roster has just been a toxic yuri plot the last few months. Moné with a sick ass Meteora off the ropes to the outside. Moné wins with a Money Maker. OH BUT Stephanie Vacquer. Dang, Stephanie is pretty.

Stokely and Stat here to drop the diss track of the year on the women’s locker room.

PROMO ON MJF. Welcome back, king!! ❤

EVPs arrive!! With Okada and Jack Perry

Here to discuss the TNT Championship since, for some mysterious reason, Adam Copeland broke his ankle. (It’s because he jumped 20 feet off the top of a steel cage.) The new elite are here to be petty and bitchy, and I am Here For It!! Giving gifts to Okada and Jack Perry. Okada gets a Lambo. Jack Perry almost gets the TNT Championship before Christopher Daniels interrupts and lets them know they will have to go through him as interim VP. He tells Perry he will have to earn it through an elimination tournament, and the championship will be decided by a ladder match.

Promo backstage with Swerve

“You try to take my championship, I take your hair.” I love him.

MAIN EVENT

Casino Forbidden Door gauntlet. It’s sudden death, so whoever gets pinfall or submission wins it all. Starts with Switchblade Jay White. Then Pac. Mistico from CMLL. Fourth man is Will Osprey! We love Osprey!! SHOOTER??!! Awww, I hope Mox called him “Kid” and sent him out there with a slap on the shoulder. Claudio!!!! Jay White runs from Claudio, which is hysterical. Jay White gets the giant swing. THEN MISTICO. THEN WILL OSPREY!!1? Shooter gets up in Claudio’s face. Claudio then swings Shooter too!!! Good lord. NOT ALSO PAC!!! Bryce Remsburg almost gets swung too while I lose my shit.

Leo Rush??? Comes from NJPW. I do not know him, sorry buddy. HOLY FUCKS HE’S FAST AS FUCK.

ORANGE CASSIDY COMES OUT!!! (For the match, not as Pan like I know he is, I mean what, who said that?). Orange and Ospreay face each other down but get interrupted by Jay White. Hechichro comes in next, goes right for Jay White. Match is fire. Ospreay wins by pinning Orange to challenge for the AEW World Championship. Swerve comes out to stare down Ospreay.

Soooo What???

Why is Ospreay getting this?? When it should go to a CMLL or NJPW wrestler??? Because that’s the point of the Forbidden Door?? TK booker of the year. Also, considering what Orange Cassidy went through for the championship, I don’t know why we are having it held by Ospreay, who doesn’t seem to care about it at all, except as a stepping stone to the World Championship.

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